An anonymous woman asked Ellie, Times Colonist, whether she could believe her husband who has erectile dysfunction, and has been caught using a dating app.

The woman wrote, “I’ve seen emails showing that my husband cheated with four other women from 2015 to 2017, giving them his phone number and pictures of himself. He was messaging them after our first child was born and while I was pregnant with our second child.”

She said she did not think her husband was cheating as he loves her a lot. However, several months ago, she saw his mails showed he was using a dating app as a single man.

“With one woman, he tried to make plans to meet and said he was willing to pay for all the trips,” the woman wrote. “He’s now said it was a stupid mistake, he loves me, and he wants me as the mother of his kids. He said he never met any of them in person.”

She continued, “But there’s something I don’t understand: He also had a problem getting sexually active with me, even a couple of months after we married. Then he started taking pills for it, and still does. It’s me who has to get him to make love. I’m 12 years younger than he is, and it was a love marriage. I know he has stress and problems in his family. He says that affects his sex life”

The woman also said that her husband deleted those emails in front of her. She said, “I jointly emailed all those women and told them he’s been cheating with them at the same time, and that he’s married with kids. But no reply. I love him. Should I believe him? What should I do?”

Ellie replied, “You already did something wise and direct by confronting him and informing those women that he’s a married father. You’ve also recognized that he has stress issues and/or some other causes of erectile dysfunction (ED) and can’t get sexually aroused without the aid of pills such as Viagra or Cialis.”

ED is a male sexual condition in which men fail to get and sustain an erection hard enough for sexual intercourse. It is often treated with Viagra, Cialis, or Levitra.

“You can believe him,” Ellie added, “that while he was “straying” by talking to other women, it’s unlikely that he had sex with any of them.”

Advising the woman to convince her husband to check with a doctor for his ED problem. Ellie said, “Be direct about his problem. Tell him that, instead of spending time/money in a dating app, he must see a counselor about his stress, and ask his family doctor about any other reasons for his ED.”

“Then decide your bottom line. You love him. But will you ever put up with this behavior again? Tell him no and mean it,” Ellie added. The Q&A was posted online on Times Colonist.